I would again like to thank Lily Morgan for permission to repost her article here, and for her courage to write the article as well. –Crystal Clark, November 24, 2012
Monday, 2 April 2012
Personal Observations of a Targeted Individual
Mind Control and Synthetic Telepathy
I am a perfectly normal, healthy woman now but it is difficult to pinpoint exactly when I became a Targeted Individual. I have had much time to go over the finer details in my mind of the events that led up to my traumatic experiences. Longer still to be able to recall clearly the memories and emotions associated with this time without the involuntary onslaught of PTSD -Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms incapacitating me. I don’t keep a diary regularly, never have, the only times I resort to writing my thoughts down are when I have been through a deeply traumatic experience. At the time all this was happening to me, I would have been incapable of stringing two words together coherently on paper and as I look back in the diary I did have, I see only brief notes and random words of hastily jotted information. Like the scrawl on my bedroom drawers that is only visible if you know where to look but clearly spells out Mind Control. Most of what I am recalling here has been clearly etched into my mind and emotions. Some days I go without flashbacks, others days they flood me with memories of associated places and actions when I least expect it. The involuntary physical reactions that come with these memories have lessened over time as I have learned to cope, suppress and ignore them. That is not to say they are not there, I have had to develop strategies to learn to deal with them. I am only going public and writing this for others to read should something happen to me and a record of the experiences I went through be available as proof. What I describe is the truth as I know it and an accurate account of my recollections, I will not embellish but in fact have had to leave some things out because I still am unable to go there. I suppose as with all stories, one must begin at the beginning….
I can only assume that my close association with certain individuals was the reason for my becoming a TI. Good people who are striving to reveal the truth about the real history of Humanity and the future that could be ours should we as a species come together and remove the opposing forces that are constantly working against this truth being revealed, disseminated and fully comprehended by open minded groups of people, should it reveal a picture far different from the one they want to portray in order to retain control. I cannot place the blame upon one individual as it would have taken a joint effort of ‘agents’ to implement the procedures inflicted upon me, as is the nature of clandestine and secretive organizations. However those involved know who they are and what part they played. I used to be a very open and trusting person, now I trust no-one. This saddens me but it is a defense mechanism I had to develop in order to survive.
Looking back I can now begin to see moments when things were just ‘not right’, the behavior of people who were close to me changed unexpectedly and dramatically. Unexplained extreme tiredness and vivid dreams, wildly differing emotions from anger and frustration to distraught bouts of crying and anguish. At the time I put this down to a difference of opinion, now I wonder if it was not something deeper and more sinister. Eventually this lead to a breakdown of the relationship and I found myself alone, confused and in a vulnerable position, which I now suspect was the part of the plan to weaken and eventually silence me.
At what point and even IF the person close to me was bought into the picture I cannot say for sure but in order for the procedure to be done I suspect a Psychotronic device had to have been placed in close proximity to myself. Either that or the technology to do this has progressed beyond imaginable terms and can now be pin pointed via satellite alone. However, there are a few other means that to my mind, make the most logical sense of attack and they are the most likely probability of being the initial culprits. That of Alpha induced brain wave states silently synced into a frequency of the TI’s mind in order to introduce what I described in my previous article as ‘Love Bombing’.
I had been involved with people I thought I could trust and who, due my vulnerable position, managed to wheedle their way into my affections in a way I had never experienced before. I was naïve, too open and too trusting, as was natural to my nature. I know that now. A little too late but I learned a hard lesson. Again I cannot prove any of this was the cause but when all put together a time-line begins to emerge.
The night of what I have come to call ‘The Scanning’ was the beginning of the nightmare to come. It started as I went to bed one night in June 2011. Waves of undulating, prickling energy scanning over every atom of my body from head to toe, over and over slowly up and down for almost three hours, non stop. The heavy pressure on my body was intense and my heart rate dramatically increased. Looking back now, I cannot understand why I didn’t get up and remove myself from the bed. However, I know now why I listened to the voice I could hear telling me to lay still. I was lost to reality, to rational thought. Duped into believing something I wanted to be true. Someone had done their homework on me. Someone had spent a long time listening in on conversations I was having online and knew exactly what to say in order to make me believe this was something special. It was particularly unique to me. As time went on and it became more uncomfortable I could hear voices becoming clearer and clearer in my head. Voices that were distinctly male and female. This could only be what I would describe as Telepathy; at first I was stunned, I could hear them as clearly as if they were stood next to me speaking out loud. The female told me I had lung cancer but that they had cured it now and I would live to be 144 years old. Not long after that I heard the male state that ‘She was the easiest one I have done so far’. At this point alarm bells started to go off in my mind and I became agitated and was told to lie still as they had nearly finished. Very soon afterwards I heard the female state very clearly and with authority,
‘Now we control you!’
I sat bolt right up in bed, heart racing in a total panic. It was almost 3am in the morning and I instinctively knew that something really bad had happened and that I had stupidly and unwittingly allowed it to be done to me. Full of fear and confusion I called a close friend to tell them what I had just been through and who I hoped, would be able to tell me what it was that had just occurred. Unable to comprehend myself or put into words what it was I must have sounded hysterical. That night I did not sleep. Little did I know that before long sleep deprivation was to become a form of torture endured night after night. Yet this was only one of various horrors I was yet to have impressed upon me.
The Choices Begin.
The next day I had to present as normal to my family, only as the day went on the voices I could hear in my head that I knew were real but not a part of my own consciousness or any illness associated with Mental disorders became more insistent. The extreme emotions I was unexpectedly feeling were that of being forced to kill myself. My whole body was heavy with a pressure I could not explain, my heart was racing at dangerous levels and I was experiencing extreme depression and panic. I had been perfectly happy and my usual self the day before. I knew that this was not normal and was a result of the scanning the night before. This continued for over 7 hours.. I was sweating excessively, literally dripping bodily fluids down my body. I was drinking pints of water to try and replace what I was losing it was so excessive. My blood pressure was through the roof (I take medication for hypertension and have a portable BP monitor). I experienced an overwhelming feeling of coercion to run a deep bath and slit my wrists. Late into the evening, tired of fighting it, pacing up and down in order to ignore it, all the time trying to appear normal to my children, I got into the bath which was now so long ago drawn it was only tepid, a new razor blade I had placed there earlier sat glinting at me on the corner of the bath. I was whimpering with exhaustion at this point at the thought of doing something I knew I could not go through with. I submerged myself under the water, all manner of thoughts running through my head. Wondering if I could try drowning myself. Knowing I couldn’t. What if I slit my wrists and just let myself drift away…. what would my family feel when they found me. I knew Suicide was a waste of a life and I had my children to think of, they needed me. I did not want to die I had too much to live for. Thoughts I had never, ever had to considered before.
‘Choose! Its your freewill, your choice.’ Make a decision! I heard in my head.
Then a knock on the bathroom door and a little voice said “Mum, what are you doing in the bath so late?” I was snapped out of the mesmeric, hypnotic state I was in immediately. I couldn’t go through with it; I sat panting for breath in the now cold bath and washed my hair and body, tears streaming down my face. Later, when I had dried myself and gone downstairs, the pressure I had been under for hours and that was lifted from me the moment I made the choice to live had mysteriously gone. I was exhausted, drained and shaking… but then I heard a male voice tell me in my head, quite clearly and rather nastily ‘You will live to regret not going through with that bitch’. I stood very still in the kitchen, a sinking, desolate, lonely and helpless dread washing over me…I was very scared and confused. The nightmare I was to go through had only just begun and I had no comprehension of what was to come over the following four months.
The Threat of Being Sectioned
I had never experienced the feelings of extreme paranoia combined with an ongoing, severe panic attack in my entire life. In the months that followed I lived on adrenalin and little else. Eventually loosing over two stone in weight through not eating but the reasons for that will become clearer as I explain the workings of my mind at the time. After having made the decision to choose ‘Life’, the onslaught of pre-programmed emotional signatures and mental states were synced onto the already previously stored frequency of my mind. If you have read the information on Synthetic Telepathy and Mind-control but particularly the paragraph about ‘Cloning the Emotions’ you will know that not only is this feasible but has been perfected and is transmitted either by Microwave at short distances or the ‘Silent Sound Delivery System’ delivered by ordinary radio or television frequencies. It could even be possible for this method to be delivered on the wireless frequency that now surrounds us all with the rapid advancement Globally of Wireless Technology.
I am still reluctant to admit to myself that the person who had been closest to me could have been in any way knowingly accountable for what was done to me.
As an conscious entity, we learn to identify with the inner ‘You’, the person that you are, how you think, feel, react. We can be our best friend or our worst enemy. That night I was not the ‘me’ that I knew. I could not stay at home after the bath incident the previous night and leaving my two eldest children to fend for themselves I took my youngest child to a friend’s house and we stayed there. Sleep was not an option. I was in an utter state of panic and confusion. I spent the entire night counting up to 100 to retain a grip on my sanity. When I felt it slipping, I then began to count backwards from 100 to remain in control of my mind, which I can only describe was being ‘invaded’ by thoughts that did not in any way seem to be my own.
The next morning my friend took one look at me and said I looked like I was having a complete nervous breakdown and that she thought it would be a good idea if I called my family for some help with the children. Before I did this I called the only two people I knew who I hoped would understand my ravings about counting to stay sane and the feeling that something/someone else was crawling inside my mind.
I feel that day I very narrowly, though quick thinking, intuition and the love of my family, avoided being Sectioned under the Mental Health Act. The person who I least expected to betray me turned out to be the one who, seemingly was secretly pleased at my situation. The smirk on his face he hurriedly covered betraying him. This person informed my brother that I was sat rocking and humming in a corner of the room. I was doing nothing of the sort but I was not acting, nor thinking clearly due to my lack of sleep and current state of intruded mind. He already had written on a scrap of paper the number for the local Mental Health Team. “In case we needed it”…I was told, when asked why he already had it at a later date. Yet less than an hour before, he had had no idea why he had been called to come to my aid. A little uncanny looking back and something that has been pointed out to me several times when I have not wanted to see the facts of the situation due to the emotional ties I once had. Only my frantic but hurriedly calmed phone calls to my mother, as the realization that the situation was spiralling out of my control, letting them know that I was not ‘rocking in a corner’ and was capable of holding down a sensible conversation but that I was going through a very confusing and tough time. Would either of them be able to come up and help me with the children.. ?
As with most families, we don’t live near each other and work and other family commitments prevented mine from coming to aid me. The biological father of my children was also unable to help. I was, as always, on my own. I felt bereft and I went home alone asking my friend if she could look after my daughter that night and take her to school the next morning too. Bless her, she agreed without even thinking about it. Without her help in all this I do not know what I would have done. She never questioned my extreme behavior and was only ever concerned for my health and safety. I owe her a great deal and I am very grateful.
Responsibilities and the love of a mother
When you give birth to a child, a woman changes, she stops being just a woman and becomes a mother. Everything you do from the time you first hold that helpless bundle in your arms is done with the responsibility of loving them, nurturing them and protecting them from harm. As I was to find out very quickly, the next few weeks became a sick game of, allegedly ‘Free Will Choices’. My initial choice to continue living and not kill myself and the subsequent taunting of the voice to skull messages came back to haunt me time and time again. It is imperative that I make it clear at this point, that with every different imprinted Mind-Control emotion I was subjected to my responses seemed to have been catalogued and what I can only describe as ‘Uploaded’. Once I had made a mental choice, what ever it may have been and the response to the imprinted emotion had been experienced, I was again scanned from toe to head, this was usually done as I lay down in bed. In fact, although I could not specifically make out the words in my head, I remember the feeling that I was being ordered to ‘lie down’ and the process would begin. There was nothing I could do to stop this and as I felt the warm, uncomfortable, tingling sensations start to crawl up my legs, making them seemly numb.. I would jump off the bed and try to run away from what was happening, stamping my feet on the floor in an effort to stop it. It eventually occurred to me that although the scanning was easier for ‘Them’ (as I came to call them), whilst I was lying still and to which I defiantly rarely did, the process would still happen regardless of if I were stood up right or not. This was a very distressing time and I had no reference point from which to be able to rationalize what was being done to me. Although I knew it was real, yet could not, would not be able to talk to anyone about what was happening and until now have never gone into such details as I am here. I had never felt so alone.
So back to ‘free will choices’…
The next few days the ‘task’ and my subsequent decisions imprinted upon me and the choice I had to make was one that I still struggle to speak about now and always will for obvious reasons. Bare in mind I was still being directed with acute paranoia and fear and struggling to deal with this on an hour to hour basis. Not only that but by day 3 and 4 I had begun to have a very strong pushing sensation in the nape of my neck that was literally forcing me to keep moving even though I was exhausted. I could not sit still, sleep was not allowed and I was driven by this force to be doing something. It is worth noting that I had less than two weeks to find somewhere to live, pack up my belongings and move myself and my children out of the house we were currently living in. I was terrified, it felt as if someone had control of not only my mind but my body too. As I write this I am fighting to cope with the associated symptoms of remembering this awful feeling but I am a ‘stubborn, belligerent bitch’ (apparently, I was told in my head via voice to skull technology at a later date) and so I breathe deeply, relax and continue for the sake of others who this has happened to. I repeat the mantra I said over and over to myself, ‘I’m a good person, I would not and am not capable of harming another soul ever!’
I have never physically punished any of my children, a quick tap on the back of the leg very occasionally but the preferred method of punishment was not physical but a spell of ‘time-out’ on the naughty step. This worked very well and my kids are well adjusted and know right from wrong. What I was made to endure next was an overwhelming sensation that if I could not take my own life then I would be pushed to take the life of another. An innocent. I do not need to point it out, those who have really been reading what I have written will already know where I was forced to go. This choice naturally horrified me and I did EVERYTHING within my power to prevent it from EVER occurring. Even to the point of removing the innocent from my company for a few days. Yet to my horror during the following week, whilst I was outwardly trying to present an air of being calm and in control but very, very quiet unusually so for anyone who knew me, images that I would NEVER picture were seemingly ‘flashed’ into my mind. Like nightmare telepathic flash cards. I learnt very quickly to distinguish these as not being my own and developed tactics to blank them out and ignore them.
More than once, terrified of doing something I was not in control of and locked up for the rest of my foreseeable life, never to see my children again or detained and drugged in some institution, I took myself off in the car and sat in the parking lot of the local hospital debating whether or not to walk in and give myself up before I was forced to do something unthinkable. This particular task went on for almost two weeks, the pressure seemingly kept up to max in the hope I would buckle.
Again my emotional and mental reactions to these scenarios were ‘catalogued and uploaded’ . By now I had begun to think I was connected via some form of frequency to a very powerful computer-enhanced programme. Yet I was still aware of the voice to skull conversations that were going on constantly in my mind. Voices of men and a woman in particular, who appeared to be in charge.
Muscle Testing and the Control of Bodily Functions.
Starting a new job only 5 days after moving house was torture but I was determined to keep behaving and acting as normal as possible, despite the horrors I was being subjected to daily. Along with the necessary things needed to be done when moving home, I was still being deprived sleep and when I did sleep nightmares would jolt me into wakefulness. I would sit at night outside the back door or inside the garage on a makeshift sun lounger, away from the children, trying not to listen to the voices that were taunting me with sayings like: ‘The next time you fall asleep we will have you completely…’ No matter where I was there seemed to be no escape.
The job I had managed to get whilst going through all this! I could do without any trouble, the problem became the voices and the random songs being beamed into my mind. They would taunt me with insults. I don’t know how I managed the first day on the job, a little old lady’s house I had to clean for two hours. In those two hours, whilst appearing to be normal on the outside, I was subjected to what can only be described as a test to see if I was good enough at what I was doing in order to at some point; be made to work either for a very powerful and wealthy family or if I didn’t do a good enough job, a place on the far side of the moon in a secret space station, where I would never see my family again and there I would be kept as a slave for a multitude of grotesque purposes. To this day I do not know for certain if, due to the nature of my previous research I created these ‘scenarios’ in my mind as a defence mechanism or whether the thoughts were implanted by others via NLP – Neural Linguistic Programming or V-2-Skull technology. When the two hours were up, I distinctly heard in my head ‘Well done, (name removed) you passed the test!’ I felt sick, humiliated and I hated that condescending male voice that I knew was not natural. By now I had put a face to it.
The insults and taunting continued for many weeks whilst I was working and at home. I got on as best as I could, learning to ignore them and trying to tune them out. Taking a shower felt like I was on display for all to see on a range of external monitors in a room, viewable by numerous groups of people who were in charge of what was being done to me. I distinctly remember once hearing a man’s voice state, as if to others listening ‘Take a long hard look lads… this is the last time you will see this one alive’ I cannot begin to tell you how this made me feel. There were other crude and hurtful comments about my nakedness but I think you get my drift.
It is a well known medical fact that electrical impulses placed on specific parts of the body can produce reflexive muscular reactions. Jerking and Jolts. How then has someone developed the technology to do it remotely? Does the person on the receiving end still have control of those muscles or is it just very clever NLP that makes the subject think they are experiencing external control of their bodily actions.
One evening as I was sat by choice in the quiet, dark seclusion of my bedroom, I heard the woman’s voice say “Let’s see how she handles Muscle Testing?”. Then a man’s voice stated haughtily, again as if to others around him. “She’s going to find driving interesting over the next few days…” and I heard laughing. I shuddered and stared out of the window at the now very familiar constellations I could just see.
Indeed, driving was interesting and frustrating. It was as if someone else was trying to drive for me, or more accurately learning to drive through me. I would get annoyed and stamp my foot on the breaks when my foot would involuntarily speed up on the accelerator and clutch control was as if I had never done it before. (I have been driving for 20 years). I would feel drawn to go different routes, as if my local area was being learned. Once driving had been learned, random jollys to escape the house were restricted… As I found out one evening whilst deliberately taking a very long way home. I heard, once I had pulled up on the drive the woman state annoyed. “ We will have to put a restricter on her from now on…” Low and behold when I next tried this trick, I would get an sharp pain in my head if I deviated from my normal routine. Riding a bike and going for walks became another form of torture, a sense I was never alone and everything around me from birds to smells was being ‘catalogued’. Food shopping was a formidable task and one I began to dread, the beep, beep, beep of the till machines unnaturally loud and made my nerves grate painfully. When once I took one of my children to buy some new clothes the pulsing pressure in my head at being in the shop with them and not on my own, as was part of my routine, became too much and I cut short the visit mumbling some excuse to my bewildered child. Always learning about me, through me…. I have felt that this was the case with many of the experiences I have gone through.
Again, the progress was catalogued and uploaded via the nightly scanning. Alone and unable to talk with anyone about what I was going through, remembering how close I had come to being institutionalized, I quietly battled on. When I did try to contact those close friends who I hoped would be able to tell me WTF was happening to me, I was so scared of what was going on I was unable to put into words adequately what I was going through, wires got crossed, friends got angry with me. I was reaching out for help but couldn’t tell anyone why, they became frustrated with my ramblings. I withdrew from everything and everyone and stopped communications altogether. I became increasingly belligerent and defiant towards ‘Them’. Enough so that at one point, I again heard a woman’s voice state.” (Name removed) has given up on her. If she doesn’t behave and co-operate we will have to do a Mind Wipe on her”. The problem was, I didn’t know WHO them was. All the time, it seemed to me that the only reaction they had yet to get out of me was true, uncontrolled rage and anger and sexual pleasures. Suspecting that each emotion I was subjected to created a response that was then catalogued, uncontrolled rage and anger was one I took the most control over denying them, as was the other feeling it had been the cause of getting me into all this trouble in the first place. It has never been in my nature to be an angry or violent person. People who know and love me know this and would never attribute this as being a part of me.
We are biological creatures, we eat, sleep, urinate and defecate when our body tells us it needs to do these things. As we grow we learn to recognise those signals and mostly act upon them. Imagine my horror when I found I was suddenly, one morning, unable to urinate or defecate, that the natural ‘triggers’ I was used to had been seemingly wiped from my mind. I remember being taunted and cajoled into only going when I was told to. That this was one of the most important aspects of the procedure and that if I didn’t get it right I would never be able to go naturally again.!!!!
It was humiliating and I forced myself to strain in order to pee when I wanted to and take laxatives in order to defecate when I wanted to. To be fair and objective, I had not really eaten anything except to drink full cream milk, bites of cheese and a handful of peanuts for about a month by now. This I am aware, could have had a detrimental effect on my bodily functions and contributed to my not feeling the need to go. Also, starving the body and mind CAN in certain circumstance induce a form of Psychosis. You see, throughout all this, I was acutely aware of the few times when I was just ‘myself’ again and not apparently being controlled by something/someone else. What made it even more unbearable was that food was used as a weapon.
It was not long after the ‘Mind-Wipe’ comment that I suddenly felt compelled to stop taking my medication for Hypertension, was ‘warned’ to stop taking any more tablets of any kind, to stop smoking and to not eat or drink anything that was not ‘sanctioned’ . This is difficult to explain as it was if my base line energy levels were being monitored. I do remember hearing a voice say: ‘Considering how little she is eating, imagine how much more we could get out of her when she is eating normally again.’ I felt like I was in a catch 22 situation, I knew I had to eat to survive. The more I ate, the stronger this ‘entity’ became and seemed to take over control of my mind. At least that is how I interpreted it. Yet I was still in complete control of my own actions and was constantly and defiantly fighting against it all the time.
Throughout all of this I was continuing to work and be a mother to my children. Microwave meals became the norm, my kids were fantastic and also learned to cook for themselves. Many times I was berated by one of my children for not eating, they had begin to notice I was acting in strange ways. I told them I was just under a lot of pressure. By this time I was beginning to suspect I was going slowly insane. During that week I became particularly defiant in ignoring what I was being told to do and deliberately doing the opposite to gauge the reactions I would get. At one point I heard a man’s voice say to me via V2K “ Don’t worry, we’ve done all we can, from now on we are going to hand you over to the computer” As you can imagine I was terrified.
Friday afternoon of that week, I heard the woman’s voice in my head speaking to others in a third person perspective. “Let’s see then, just how well she handles Insanity.” It was as if they had heard my thoughts earlier in the week and I was being punished for being defiant, I began to suspect that they possibly could. By now I had been through enough to know what was coming and bolted to my mothers house with my youngest child, leaving my two eldest, (who I must point out are legally old enough and capable of being left on their own) some money and to fend for themselves.
Experiencing Induced Insanity
I had not been able to talk with my mother or tell her anything of what I was going through, the most she would get out of me on the phone was a monotone of yes and no. So when I arrived unannounced on her doorstep with a child in tow, two stone lighter, dark circles under my eyes from sleep deprivation and a haunted look in my eyes. She was naturally very concerned and shocked at my appearance. It had taken all my concentration just to manage the hour drive to her house and I collapsed into her arms, crying and pleading with her to help me. But when she pressed me to tell her what was going on, I couldn’t speak the words I wanted to say.. The truth about what I had been going through and how I thought I had got into this situation in the first place. I could already feel the most horrifically, confusing, insane thoughts creeping into my conscious awareness. Where as three hours before they had not been there.
How was this happening so far from home?
But just like every other weekend before, it was something else I was being tested with. I instinctively knew I was in for a very bad few days but at least I was in a safe place, as was my child. My mother has never got over the shock of how I was that weekend and has suffered bouts of depression since at her inability to be able to do anything for me. I begged her to sleep with me, too terrified of being alone and she did.. I held her hand all night and did not let go, she was my anchor to this world. At one point I could not take any more and almost asked her to drive me to the nearest hospital… yet I knew that as soon as I did that, in my current state, I would not be getting out any time soon and as I was the sole provider for my children. I had to hold on and weather this out, praying, for the first time in my life, that at some point it would stop and I would return to some semblance of normality after the mental and emotional effects had been experienced and catalogued. By Sunday afternoon, after sitting hunched up, arms around my knees for almost 24 hours, not daring to speak or move. I was coaxed into eating some food, cooked by my mother’s husband who had respectfully just looked on at me all weekend with a very concerned look in his eye.
As I expected, within 10 minutes of eating some food. Electrons began to fire in my mind, signals being processed and ‘uploaded’. This is the only way I can describe it for the reader. It was the most awful feeling, like fire ants crawling around your brain. As I lay curled up on the couch I heard again the woman’s voice “ That was a close call, we nearly lost her then”. By now I was passed caring, my mother persuaded me to take half a sleeping tablet and I was then allowed to sleep. Whatever I had just been subjected to I had come through it by the skin of my teeth…
Sleep Deprivation, Forced Sleep and Timed Waking
Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. It fucks with your mind and is a well known technique used by agencies and terrorists the world over. The body needs to sleep, the mind needs the release of dreams. When both are prevented bad things start to happen. Having been deprived of sleep for so long a person begins to loose their grip on reality. The mind needs dream-time in order to function properly. Eventually a person gets that feeling when your eyes drooping heavily without any control over them as you desperately want to close your eyes and drift off into dream world. Imagine if this state of mind could be induced upon a person when you wanted it to.
After weeks of suffering sleep deprivation, when I was allowed to sleep it was this feeling that would come over me the moment I lay down, anywhere… regardless of the time of day. It was like a trigger. At nights, I would try to resist it by sitting upright but eventually I couldn’t fight the irresistible urge to just close my eyes just once. A heavy, drugged like sleep would overtake me, very similar to the drugged sleep that I had had after taking the sleeping tablets at my mothers. As if, again, this was not naturally induced but imprinted on my mind. So late in the evenings I would give in and find myself drifting off into the sleep I so needed only to be shocked into full wakefulness just as I went into that relaxed state before REM by an electrical pulse in my head, time after time, after time! This went on for months. I began to hear noises and words in my sleep, I would be dreaming and consciously aware that I was then I would hear a voice-to-skull (V2K) transmission and be immediately awoken up by it.. I heard the woman’s voice tell me I was now a “Trojan Horse”? Another time I was told I had created a monster. I don’t even want to consider what the implications of that are.
Then I had to follow commands and go pee and have another drink (only water was allowed) and eat something before I was allowed to go back to sleep. They had figured me out. At night, it becomes automatic when you are too exhausted to fight against it. You couldn’t make this shit up.. I am telling the reader everything as I remember it and the more I remember, the more it comes back to me, its not a pleasant feeling.
The straw that almost broke the camels back
One weekend when my children were visiting with their father, I was really alone for the first time since everything had started. My kids knew something was wrong, I was not myself but I put on a brave face the whole time in order not to worry them unduly. I could not go to my mothers house, as she was away on holiday. I had no friends I could stay with either. So I had to remain on my own in an empty house. I had no idea what would happen to me this weekend, I had not been given any clues.
As it turned out, it was as if someone knew I was alone. This weekend was suicide weekend. I have never seriously contemplated how I would take my own life, I mean really thought about the implications of how to do it properly so it would work. Not a cry for help but a deliberate ‘checking out’ and the inevitable consequences that would entail for all my family and friends. That weekend in early August I was made to.
This was the first time in 3 months I had really gone on the internet for anything other than checking my bank account and occasional email. I couldn’t even put the TV on or the radio. I couldn’t take it in, information overload. I did not eat anything for 3 days, I sipped only water. I was very weak, of mind and body. It would have been a relief, frankly, to have gone ahead with it. To finally get some peace from everything that I was trying to cope with. Yet…
Each method, was googled and debated over. I would have lucid moments when I would wonder the the hell I was doing but then the fog would sink over me again and I would begin to think about how I would even begin to try and hang myself, researching it online. None of the methods I looked at were particularly appealing and even fewer actually end up in death, only painful weeks of hospital care, months of rehabilitation and ultimately in my case, the possible loss of custody of my children. This was and always has been my paramount fear throughout this whole episode. The one reason I never spoke about what I was suffering through. Who would then have to take care of my children, I knew they did not want to live with anyone other then myself. Could I ever put them through the kind of heart wrenching grief of having to grow up without their mom? The answer was always no. I have pretty much brought my kids up on my own since birth, one way or another, They are all I have and they became my rock that kept me here. It is vitally important that the reader remembers that.
I did not move from the couch all weekend. I took my bedding downstairs, too afraid to go upstairs alone. I had the bottle of sleeping pills and strong painkillers open and spilled out onto the table, various sharp knives and a new blade from the bathroom cabinet. For two days I attempted to pluck up the courage to end it all. Every time I failed, I was taunted with a voice that said with glee “You can’t do it bitch…” I have never forgotten how low I became that weekend and just how close I was to checking out. I counted down the hours and minutes till my kids came home, so I would no longer be on my own and would have to spring into fake life and carry on the false charade I been keeping up for months now. Again, the thought of them kept me going, my responsibilities as a mother.
Sunday evening and I heard a car pull up.. a glimmer of hope, relief that they were finally home.
Imagine then my utter horror and totally panicked confusion when upon walking in the house, inside me, inside my head, almost reverberating around my body so loud and totally unexpectedly, I heard the words ‘Kill the kids’ repeated over and over again.!!!!!
It was all I could do to even say hi to them, I grabbed my car keys and flew out of the house muttering something about going to the store to buy groceries. By the time I reached the end of the road, it had stopped but I was shaking all over in a complete state of shock. It never happened again and all the severe feelings that I had gone through over the weekend had gone by the time I got home. When I was stood in the shop, I felt the now familiar and dreaded scanning.. Everything I had gone through, the emotions and mental thought processes had all been catalogued and uploaded.
I know how this must sound to those of you reading this and I can imagine what it is you are thinking. I pray you have never had to go to the places my mind was forced to go to. But know that other Ti’s have and didn’t make it through to tell the tale.
That weekend was the straw that broke my will. On the Monday, I was moving the TV around in the living room and received an electric shock from it, I passed out cold on the floor for a good few minutes. To this day I am convinced that this disrupted the ‘frequency’ that I had been tuned into and that was enabling all this to be done to me. On the Tuesday at work, I broke down with the old lady who’s house I had been cleaning the very first day I started the job 3 months earlier. We sat on her bed crying, she because she had lost her husband to cancer less than a year ago and was having a bad day.. Me because when she started I couldn’t contain my own feelings any longer. I cried, long, hard, wrenching, heart breaking sobs. I had already made my mind up that I had to seek help because I could not go through another dose of what had happened that previous weekend. What frightened me most that day was on the drive back to my place of work I had to go along a dual carriageway, as I put my foot down and got up to 70 mph, I heard a man’s voice say “God you drive too fast in your country” and a strange, detached feeling began to come over me. I felt an irresistible urge to put my foot down hard and drive at dangerous speeds and in my mind was again flashed an image of my twitching my arms to swerve the vehicle into a wall at speed. I took the exit and went on the back roads at slow speeds, crying all the way.
I broke down in front of my Boss later that day and gave her a very brief run down of what had been going on. She must have thought I had lost the plot, she spoke to medical friend of hers and demanded I go see a Dr that same day. If I made the appointment there in front of her and took some time off work and got some help, rest and food, I could come back whenever I was ready and she would keep my job open for me. Not to worry and just get well, take as long as I needed. Bosses like that are few and far between considering I had not been there long.
The appointment at the medical centre was for was 6pm. I had chosen a man who had known me previously and I got on well with. I tried to sit in the waiting room and wondered what I was going to say to him. Getting up, I began pacing the room and edging my way closer to the exit, loosing my bottle the longer I had to wait. I was the last patient to be seen that night. I do not know exactly what I said to him but it was as if a cork had been removed from a bottle and it all came flooding out. I had enough sense to keep some of it to myself. I pleaded with him not to section me, that I wasn’t crazy and that this had all been done TO me and that he knew me and this wasn’t like me to behave in such a manner.
Luckily he did know me very well and he knew that I was not one for lying, I doubt he could understand, let alone comprehend some of the things I told him about how it was being done to me. But he could see I was in a desperate state and needed help immediately because I was obviously at the end of my tether. He also put to rest my fearful mind about being sectioned saying it happened very rarely nowadays with the kinds of medication that could be taken and that they preferred to treat people in their own homes.
I was there for two hours. He sent me home with some sleeping pills and contacted the local Mental Health care team to come around and see me that evening. They we kind, understanding and caring. Not at all what I had expected.
From the moment I sought help the incidents began to lessen and eventually stopped a few weeks later. I cannot say that it was a coincidence that I got an electric shock or if that it was because I spoke out loud about what I had been going through and sought some professional help.
I would not advocate anyone going to their Dr. with a story like this without first taking printed evidence, which is why I wrote the previous article. I was lucky and I was sensible enough to know what to say and what not to say.
I was put on anti psychotic medication, anti depressants and sleeping pills but only for the first week, of which I took very few as without the electric pulses going off in my head whenever I was on the verge of falling deeply asleep, I was able to after months, fall asleep naturally. Nightmares, however, were a frequent occurrence and still are occasionally when I try to think back and remember that time.
By January, I had weaned myself off the anti psychotics, which I was never happy about taking and didn’t feel as if they made a big difference and the PTSD symptoms had lessened to a manageable degree. By the end of February my critical thinking skills had returned and I was able to finally sit and watch a safe movie (nothing with violence or tense scenes) with my kids and take it in. It took a lot of hard work on my behalf to get myself back to some resemblance of who I used to be, even longer to be able to smile and laugh about anything. In my diary on my eldest child’s birthday I had written ‘Who am I now?’ Writing this has inevitably brought back some very unpleasant emotions and memories but I feel as if it has been a cathartic experience and something that I would at some point need to do to close a door on a period of my life I don’t want to remember. Yet can never forget.
Who would want to do this to me and why?
Will I ever find out who it was? I doubt it…but I already have my suspicions.
Am I angry at what they put me through… no I am DISGUSTED!!!!
What they did was a crime against my mind and soul…!!!
Without my ‘rocks’ and that includes my kids, mom and brother, I probably would not be here now to write this account. In fact, I know I wouldn’t. Period.
Mind control is the most terrible imaginable crime because it is committed not against the body, but against the mind. But above all remember that no matter what happens in your life, you have an immortal soul.
Mind Control, Synthetic Telepathy, Cloned Emotions, S-Squad, Pulsed Microwaves, Project Soul Catcher and H.A.A.R.P are tools of evil psychopaths. There is evidence that this kind of technology will be used on an unsuspecting public at some point in the future. This CANNOT be allowed to happen. It is totally INHUMANE and It MUST be stopped by ANY means. I would not wish what I went through upon my worst enemy. I am still incapable of comprehending how anyone could do something like this to another human being.
Thank you for taking the time to read this true account.
Lily Morgan 2012.